Ive always been a.. put my stuff out there kinda person.. to get feedback no matter who ya are..
There isnt a place like that on facebook, but theres always been livejournal. so, alas, i return.

GROUP THERAPY..
jeeeeze louise. i had a discussion with one of the therapists there today, and both her and I came to the conclusion that once .. things get settled. and *done*.. then.. i should be free of the demons that ail me.
wouldnt that be nice if that were a true statement? Today, *D* i will call him, this guy has some serious rage issues. but. he comes up to me, sits next to me and tells me i have crumbs on my lip (which i dont) .. then as he gets up, he places a very large, very long pearl necklace in my purse, then winks at me. I just keep watching harry potter on my ipod. .. He goes outside to have a cigarette, i guess and I look in my purse. This necklace is heavy, knotted, and cold, which means the pearls are real. So, i go to the front desk and talk to the receptionist to which he just stole her phone. I asked if anything else was stolen, she said no, and i pulled her aside.. I didnt want stolen pearls in my purse, even though, they were beautiful and soo real.

Bear with me while I go through this. Im hoping that journaling/blogging/whatever the f* its called, so when i need to get shit out.. i can.

Going to dinner at the in laws house in tiburon .. Not enjoying the traffic or the horrible dizziness I get from being a passenger...

Why oh why was the baby itch invented .. Created whatever. I picked up an outfit for a friend who is having a girl and my heart broke. Babies aren't in our future.. I can have more, he can't. Why do I want one so bad .. Maybe I should babysit on weekends. I dunno I just hate the ache.. And knowing I can have one if I leave him :( which isn't an option either..

Watching grey's & wowing while my husband sleeps with another woman :)

so, its late.

and i just went to re-tuck in :the baby: hes 9 fagodsakes.

still. hes the baby.

I rubbed his back to sooth him, because he started to mumble in his sleep

he said hurry.. just do it! DO IT! before we get in trouble!

i said what?

he said.. tyler rubbed my back like that, its hard to describe.

I dont think he meant tyler

i think he meant .. Him.

I dont want to think about him anymore.

this is the only place where i can say that im happy that hes in jail, i hope he goes to jail for a very long time, i dont care about anyone elses feelings about him, but my own and my childrens.

im also pissed about something else family related. i feel like i have been surgically removed from someones life and its heartbreaking.

i dont need this shit anymore.

NOT TO MENTION. i just went potty and i used one of those nice wipey thingies that keep you fresh.

fingernail went right through it.. *slice*

hey, thanks for the extra blood! its not even time yet.

i need to contact rainn or something like that for counseling. its time.

Oh man am I full of anxiety. Today is my last day at sprint and I don't wanna be here. I need to go home and color my hair.. Every picture I take I have fatty bags under my eyes.. Wtf. I'm looking forward no a nice long weekend of w.o.w. And family :) so.. What's new with you?

So.. I interviewed wednesday at Apple. My dream job. My dream company. Too good to be true kinda deal. right before the interview, I get an email for an assessment test. I take the test, and I fail it. I thought it might of had to do with firefox crashing during the test yadda yadda... I told the interviewer that my browser crashed..etc... He then says.. Doesn't matter.. We really don't look at those. interview goes great.. After the interview, I got an email for another assessment test. I take it.. I fail it. I'm like wtf. Fine. I'm obviously not getting this job.

yesterday afternoon... I get ANOTHER email to take the test. This time? I pass it. What does this mean? I mean really three times? And not be hired? They should have written me off after the second failure. What does it mean??!?!? more later. Its hard to blog from a palm :)

I never miss first day... and because of my husbands stupid co worker quit and I got my schedule changed... To accomodate his works changes... Sigh. It makes me sad. Sooo recap of grades & ages.. Tyler.. 14 ,first day of high school.. Shawn ,12 first day of middle school.. Christian.. 9 first day of 4th grade and the only kid of mine at that school now... sigh again....

Depression sucks.

Ive been home for almost 2 weeks. something you really shouldnt do, when you cant afford it, and also it completely screwed up my chance of getting a bonus. *sigh* .. but im depressed. bad bad depressed.

i want to move. somewhere. if i could take a cookie cutter and take my house, and my kids' schools and just put them somewhere else i would be happier. i dont like being here anymore. im just a sad sad person and i cannot let it affect my work, ya know? but im just empty inside currently. love aint fillin it up. i wonder if its lack of a baby. part of me wants to stay home and take care of other peoples offspring, and im almost positive if i watched 5 kids, id make the same amount of money and have soo much fun doing it. i should look into getting my licence to be a daycare.. that way, i can do it instead of talking about it. also getting cpr certified. id love to have like four or five little babies & toddlers running around my house, doing crafts and singing songs.. chasing them and making them giggle. uh. baby aches are horrible.

my children are so big. and i dont want a puppy. kids pee in diapers, not the carpet.

im so bored.
i wish there was a website called boredombuster.com
money is tight
theres nothing.. NOTHING to do.
im alone too
being alone sucks.
hopefully
my nephew might move in with me in the end of june
then i wont be alone so much.

he needs to go to school. like now.
he graduates this week.
the boys needs a career.

i miss my memmin
i miss my ka
i miss mountain view.

its funny because i used to spend money when i would get bored, and just say f* it, we'll figure it out later. now i wouldnt even think of doing that. its just not smart. ugh. hindsight.

so.. how are all of you ? ;)

lets just say. that my whole company knows about my other blog and now..

being considered for hiring? no.


f*ng fantastic.

Asian chicken salad from Jack in the Box (soo good, totally worth $5)

Fruit cup from JITB

Iced Tea

so far, thats it for today

(last night, rice and 3 tacos from TB)

diet 7 up

whole bag of beef jerkey

100 calorie pack of lorna doone cookies

(damn period)

I wish there was something that I could track my calories with, but I cant find anything for the Mac.

So far today, I have had:

A slimfast shake

A Mandarin Chicken salad from Wendys.

Rasberry Lemonade Gatorade.

wish me luck.

and then there were 9..

layoffs suck.

im sorry mark

The last thing I need is to be stressed about work.

However, I have no control over that. Fate.. is fate.

Im starting to do the whole.. What am I going to do for the rest of my life? I have this idea for a bakery, and its not a crazy one, its so totally possible. I just dont have the financial backing or creative no-how to really pull it off.

Do i start with just cakes at home? and go from there? There are also 3 other participants I want involved.

I love making cakes. Cakes that are beautiful are so important to me. My theory, is that all cakes, no matter what the occasion, people should look at it and go.. *oooh* and want to order from me.

How do i get that started? What do I do? Its scary.

hee hee. .on a more evil note...

the bitch that tried to ruin my life here at work.. either quit or got fired.

Karma .. what goes around.. comes around. HA HA HA HA.. sucker.

So. Things changed. big time.

now what am i going to do?

I already depend on my manny for so much, hes going to break soon.

Hopefully, it will just be for a month.

how are you doin, eh?

I ordered my first christmas gifts online!!!

something for my hagatha and something for my super coolest cousin in the world. yeah you.

so, i guess it begins! Hey wait! I just remembered I bought something for my spouse hecka long time ago and kevin is hiding it. Dang i'm getting good at christimas shopping..
wish me luck on a wii today, eh?

today, someone SHOT THEIR MOUTH OFF in a formal meeting at work and just blew her credidation. (sp?)

I love when people think they are on top of the world, and then they knock down their own pedestal by being stupid.

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA i say to you, once again. You LOSE.. again.

Grow the hell up.. seriously. SERIOUSLY? (izzy style) seriously.

You are a grown woman, and you, with your piercings and really bad haircut look like you are trying to grasp on to something you lost 10-15 years ago..

oh it feels so good to be in the middle..

I'll get back on top again.. just you watch..

MUAH HA HA HA HA.. cracks me up.